As the school holidays are around the corner, some students have written to me about securing internships. They are motivated to do this for different reasons. Some want to gain valuable work experience and others want to make money.
For a lot of internships, I am often told that something’s gotta give. You either get experience or make money. You can’t have both. I beg to differ.
My first internship was with a start-up IT consulting company. I did something absolutely different from my peers, who had secured internships in top law firms or companies. I did not wish to use my holidays sitting and ruminating in a law library, or spend my precious hours standing by the photocopier.
That was the phase when every young person’s dream was to set up a .Com company. I didn’t have the money to do so but I certainly wanted to be a part of that wave and earn some money in the process.
I remember the company had advertised numerous positions in the newspaper. The advertisement gave me the impression that the company could do with some extra help in its Singapore office.
I wrote to the late managing director of the company. A day later, I received call from one of its managers, and they invited me for a discussion.
At the meeting, I sensed they liked my passion but I think they were concerned about my lack of experience and knowledge. I took a chance. I offered to work for them without pay, and told them that I would leave it to them to decide my value at the end of eight weeks.
The time passed in the blink of an eye. On my last day, they took me out for dinner at my favourite restaurant. At the end of the dinner, I was given a $5,000 cheque in appreciation of the work I did for them. I never expected it. It was ten times more than what my peers received for their internships in top law firms or companies!
A year later, the company hosted me in their new office by a beach in Phuket. I spent a small part of my holidays helping them with legal issues in their property development arm. I was exposed to the law of a foreign jurisdiction, while having the luxury to go into my office in beach-wear. All my expenses were taken care of. I went back to school with some pocket money.
Dump convention. Be creative when searching for internships. The experience and memories is something you will cherish for a long time to come.
Happiness
Dharmendra Yadav
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Showing posts with label Learn or Inspire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Learn or Inspire. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Choices After 'A' Level
The GCE ‘A’ Level results were released some weeks back. Traditionally, this is the time of the year when I receive many queries from those who have collected their results.
Many contact me about the options they have, specifically in relation to studying law in England & Wales.
Some of them have the luxury of unconditional offers from multiple universities. Some have conditional offers but didn’t quite make the grade. There are always the few who, like me, did not do so well at such examinations and do not know what to do next.
To all these people, I offer a similar line of thoughts.
Choices are never easy to make. Take your time to make these choices – of course, ensuring you work within any deadlines given to you in relation to offers from universities! Unlike most of my peers, I knew from the age of 14 that I wanted to study law in university. When I did not do so well in my ‘A’ Level examinations, I had two years (in national service) to decide my next steps.
Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of making any decision. Research, research, research! One tipping point for me in accepting an offer from Leicester Law School was I wanted a school where the faculty took a personal interest in you, and where you could make lifelong friends. I got this impression talking to past and present students, and the then teachers at the law school.
When you finally make a choice, make the most of it. Take advantage of as many of the opportunities as reasonably possible, which flow from that decision. Enjoy the journey!
Today, some 12 years on, I can confidently reflect that accepting that offer from Leicester Law School was one of the best decisions I made in my life. My stint there played an integral role in shaping my personal values and my professional career.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Many contact me about the options they have, specifically in relation to studying law in England & Wales.
Some of them have the luxury of unconditional offers from multiple universities. Some have conditional offers but didn’t quite make the grade. There are always the few who, like me, did not do so well at such examinations and do not know what to do next.
To all these people, I offer a similar line of thoughts.
Choices are never easy to make. Take your time to make these choices – of course, ensuring you work within any deadlines given to you in relation to offers from universities! Unlike most of my peers, I knew from the age of 14 that I wanted to study law in university. When I did not do so well in my ‘A’ Level examinations, I had two years (in national service) to decide my next steps.
Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of making any decision. Research, research, research! One tipping point for me in accepting an offer from Leicester Law School was I wanted a school where the faculty took a personal interest in you, and where you could make lifelong friends. I got this impression talking to past and present students, and the then teachers at the law school.
When you finally make a choice, make the most of it. Take advantage of as many of the opportunities as reasonably possible, which flow from that decision. Enjoy the journey!
Today, some 12 years on, I can confidently reflect that accepting that offer from Leicester Law School was one of the best decisions I made in my life. My stint there played an integral role in shaping my personal values and my professional career.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, January 10, 2010
Leaving A Job
Last week, I made a decision to leave my current job. As soon as I made that decision, I informed my current employer that I had to started to apply elsewhere.
Some of my friends were surprised by the way I did so. They said that they would secure a job elsewhere before notifying their current employer.
I told them that, when I joined, I told my current employer that I believed in being transparent.
Among other things, this included letting my employer know first if I was not satisfied in the current role.
I also did this because of the limited size of my profession.
It is easy for things to go around. Information like this tends to be disclosed on an off-the-record basis between two or more parties. Sometimes, the information disclosed is distorted.
I did not want my employer to hear from another party about my impending departure.
Of course, this can only be done with certain employers, who will be willing to let you have some time to look for opportunities elsewhere.
I accept that some employers will not behave as professionally when an employee notifies them in advance about leaving the job.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Some of my friends were surprised by the way I did so. They said that they would secure a job elsewhere before notifying their current employer.
I told them that, when I joined, I told my current employer that I believed in being transparent.
Among other things, this included letting my employer know first if I was not satisfied in the current role.
I also did this because of the limited size of my profession.
It is easy for things to go around. Information like this tends to be disclosed on an off-the-record basis between two or more parties. Sometimes, the information disclosed is distorted.
I did not want my employer to hear from another party about my impending departure.
Of course, this can only be done with certain employers, who will be willing to let you have some time to look for opportunities elsewhere.
I accept that some employers will not behave as professionally when an employee notifies them in advance about leaving the job.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, January 03, 2010
Visit The Doctor
Many people I know are resistant to consult doctors. Many of my loved ones join this list.
They end up going to work ill. They end up ailing at home and worrying those around them.
It is not that they cannot afford it.
They just prefer to self-medicate. To them, it is just a small problem.
Come what may, they just refuse to see the doctor.
A lot of times, that small problem ends up being passed on to others. It also turns out to be a prelude to other problems.
I am often accused of being a nag, when I insist they visit the doctor, or even of not treating grown-ups like they should be.
I end up doing all sorts of things to cajole them to do so. For example, I will threaten to call the ambulance if they don't do so.
I appreciate that sometimes these things can be irritating and the good intentions can sometimes back-fire.
The point at the end of the day really is this: please seek professional medical advice early if you are ill.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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They end up going to work ill. They end up ailing at home and worrying those around them.
It is not that they cannot afford it.
They just prefer to self-medicate. To them, it is just a small problem.
Come what may, they just refuse to see the doctor.
A lot of times, that small problem ends up being passed on to others. It also turns out to be a prelude to other problems.
I am often accused of being a nag, when I insist they visit the doctor, or even of not treating grown-ups like they should be.
I end up doing all sorts of things to cajole them to do so. For example, I will threaten to call the ambulance if they don't do so.
I appreciate that sometimes these things can be irritating and the good intentions can sometimes back-fire.
The point at the end of the day really is this: please seek professional medical advice early if you are ill.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Saturday, January 02, 2010
Motherly Reminders
Afterthoughts:
This advertisement reminded me about three things.
First, it is an important reminder of what a wealthy life should be. Unfortunately, in the pursuit of that elusive pot of gold, many of us tend to lose the plot.
Second, it is an important reminder of the influential role mothers play in our lives.
I have been blessed with three mothers in my life: my grandmother, my godmother and my biological mother. While I acquired a different set of values from each of them, they have all taught me the necessity of looking out for those you love or care about.
Finally, it is an important reminder of why one should have adequate health insurance cover.
One of my mothers is currently battling cancer. Had she not been covered, we would have faced a lot of trouble paying her medical bills.
I now find myself often asking those I am with if they have suitable health plans, and I wish more people will ask this of those they consider important.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Persuading Employers
I have just made an individual pledge to this wonderful private-sector initiative to beat the downturn. Add yours today!
In light of my own pledge, I have had applications from several highly qualified and talented candidates for some of the more recent roles made available here.
In light of my own pledge, I have had applications from several highly qualified and talented candidates for some of the more recent roles made available here.
They have not been able to secure jobs on the basis that they are "over-qualified".
What the employer really means is: "I want to give you this job but I am not convinced that you will remain with me as soon as the market turns for the better."
At the outset, candidates in such situations have an uphill task in persuading employers to take them onboard.
Most I meet haven't really thought about how to address this. Others see this as not their responsibilty to address.
As a result, they end up being invited for many interviews but not securing a position (until the market conditions improve).
Such candidates must take greater personal responsibility for their application. I encourage such candidates as follows:
1. Do not send in applications, unless you can see yourself in the job for at least 2-5 years and you accept that the role will actually help you develop as a person.
2. When you meet the employer, explain your commitment to the role as being part of your 5-year plan, and highlight how you see yourself adding value to the employer in the years to come.
3. Underscore to the employer that it should be a 'win-win' process. Acknowledge the limitations of the employer but impress upon the employer how they can still make a difference to your career. Usually, such employers cannot pay high salaries but they make up for it with training opportunities and less stressful working environments. Simply put, make the most of what is available to you.
If you have seriously thought about the role and addressed your "over-qualification" with the right level of humility, you will win over most employers and they will you make an offer of employment.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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What the employer really means is: "I want to give you this job but I am not convinced that you will remain with me as soon as the market turns for the better."
At the outset, candidates in such situations have an uphill task in persuading employers to take them onboard.
Most I meet haven't really thought about how to address this. Others see this as not their responsibilty to address.
As a result, they end up being invited for many interviews but not securing a position (until the market conditions improve).
Such candidates must take greater personal responsibility for their application. I encourage such candidates as follows:
1. Do not send in applications, unless you can see yourself in the job for at least 2-5 years and you accept that the role will actually help you develop as a person.
2. When you meet the employer, explain your commitment to the role as being part of your 5-year plan, and highlight how you see yourself adding value to the employer in the years to come.
3. Underscore to the employer that it should be a 'win-win' process. Acknowledge the limitations of the employer but impress upon the employer how they can still make a difference to your career. Usually, such employers cannot pay high salaries but they make up for it with training opportunities and less stressful working environments. Simply put, make the most of what is available to you.
If you have seriously thought about the role and addressed your "over-qualification" with the right level of humility, you will win over most employers and they will you make an offer of employment.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Friday, May 15, 2009
When You Apply For A Job
It may be useful to share three things I have learnt from job-seekers for this role:
2. Please be accessible at your contact number if you apply for a job. If for any reason you become unavailable at that number, give callers the option of leaving you a message. Check back every 1 - 2 hours for messages that may have been left for you by potential employers. It does not create a good impression if a potential employer attempts to contact you and is unable to get you for hours. When you do get in touch with the employer, do apologise for not being available to take the call earlier and offer a reasonable explanation to justify your unavailability.
3. When you send in an application for a job and do not receive an acknowledgement after 2 days, get in touch with the employer to check that the resume has been received. You can use the opportunity to find out if and when they will be getting in touch with you for a possible interview. Ensure you have a polite disposition when you make that call. Leave a positive impression on the person you speak to. The person may well turn out to be a person who plays a key role in influencing the decision to employ you or may even be the person who makes the decision to employ you.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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1. Recognise the difference between a resume and a "CV". Keep your resume brief, that is not more than 3 pages. Two pages are ideal. The resume should give a snapshot of you and its primary purpose is to give the employer a relevant basis to invite you for an interview. Address the requirements of the role in both your resume and cover note. If you need help with your resume, you may wish to write to me for assistance or seek help from career coaches.
2. Please be accessible at your contact number if you apply for a job. If for any reason you become unavailable at that number, give callers the option of leaving you a message. Check back every 1 - 2 hours for messages that may have been left for you by potential employers. It does not create a good impression if a potential employer attempts to contact you and is unable to get you for hours. When you do get in touch with the employer, do apologise for not being available to take the call earlier and offer a reasonable explanation to justify your unavailability.
3. When you send in an application for a job and do not receive an acknowledgement after 2 days, get in touch with the employer to check that the resume has been received. You can use the opportunity to find out if and when they will be getting in touch with you for a possible interview. Ensure you have a polite disposition when you make that call. Leave a positive impression on the person you speak to. The person may well turn out to be a person who plays a key role in influencing the decision to employ you or may even be the person who makes the decision to employ you.
Dharmendra Yadav
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Educational Art From Family Doctor
In December 2008, I visited my family doctor. My family and I have been seeing him for over a decade now.
He's one of those doctors who takes great pride in what he does. He also likes to empower his patients with knowledge so that they may exercise greater personal responsibility about their health.
It is therefore normal for him to give little nuggets of information for his patients to take back and digest. Many of my family members or friends have had similar experiences with him.
During this visit, I inaccurately described my onset of sinus as a flu bug.
What ensued was something I least expected. He gave me an artistic lesson on the subtle differences between a flu, cold and sinus. Then, he kindly allowed me to take his art piece back royalty-free:
*****
Based on what I can recall, this is how we read my family doctor's illustration:
FLU
Usually caused by a virus. Symptoms may include fever; body ache muscle ache (BAMA); sore throat (itchy, scratchy, pokey); running nose; cough; and phlegm.
COLD
Usually caused by a virus. Slight fever or BAMA, but less likely. Other symptoms may include sore throat (itchy, scratchy, pokey); running nose; cough; and phlegm.
SINUS
Usually caused by an allergy, which may lead to an infection. No fever or BAMA. Symptoms may include sore throat and cough (dry and ticklish); running nose; and phlegm.
*****
But please do read what I have shared here with some caution. This may not apply to your individual circumstances. It is in your interest to seek independent medical advice.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment. Do you really need to print this?
He's one of those doctors who takes great pride in what he does. He also likes to empower his patients with knowledge so that they may exercise greater personal responsibility about their health.
It is therefore normal for him to give little nuggets of information for his patients to take back and digest. Many of my family members or friends have had similar experiences with him.
During this visit, I inaccurately described my onset of sinus as a flu bug.
What ensued was something I least expected. He gave me an artistic lesson on the subtle differences between a flu, cold and sinus. Then, he kindly allowed me to take his art piece back royalty-free:
*****
Based on what I can recall, this is how we read my family doctor's illustration:
FLU
Usually caused by a virus. Symptoms may include fever; body ache muscle ache (BAMA); sore throat (itchy, scratchy, pokey); running nose; cough; and phlegm.
COLD
Usually caused by a virus. Slight fever or BAMA, but less likely. Other symptoms may include sore throat (itchy, scratchy, pokey); running nose; cough; and phlegm.
SINUS
Usually caused by an allergy, which may lead to an infection. No fever or BAMA. Symptoms may include sore throat and cough (dry and ticklish); running nose; and phlegm.
*****
But please do read what I have shared here with some caution. This may not apply to your individual circumstances. It is in your interest to seek independent medical advice.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, October 12, 2008
Why Kindness Exists
A diabetic orphan aged 12 was featured on television earlier today. His mother died of tuberculosis many years ago. He too had tuberculosis but has now recovered. His father abandoned his sister and him. The responsibility of caring for them fell on his grandmother. Unfortunately, she had to leave them in an orphanage and died some years later.
The feature saddened me. I asked a friend, "Why is God not good to everyone?"
My friend replied, "Because if he's good to everyone, then kindness can't exist."
Many of my friends and I are blessed. We lead happy and healthy lives. We have had a good education and are now sowing its benefits. All in all, the world has given us a lot that we can be grateful for.
Yet, I am surprised by some who feel that what they have received is not enough. They are bent on chalking up more of the material deliverables that society has to offer. Nothing wrong with that. But I hope they can give as they take.
I think it is important that we should be kind to others, especially those in need.
Two of my former bosses did not fail to share an important lesson with me. They said in quite similar terms that it is important to give, give and give. Their rationale being that the more you give, the more you will get back.
In the years that have passed, I have had many opportunities to help others. I have found those opportunities highly rewarding as much as the rewards cannot be defined materially. Nonetheless, I can add that these opportunities have taken me to new highs on my personal satisfaction index.
Kindness exists because some are more blessed than others. Kindness exists when we share and be good to others. Go on then, be good!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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The feature saddened me. I asked a friend, "Why is God not good to everyone?"
My friend replied, "Because if he's good to everyone, then kindness can't exist."
Many of my friends and I are blessed. We lead happy and healthy lives. We have had a good education and are now sowing its benefits. All in all, the world has given us a lot that we can be grateful for.
Yet, I am surprised by some who feel that what they have received is not enough. They are bent on chalking up more of the material deliverables that society has to offer. Nothing wrong with that. But I hope they can give as they take.
I think it is important that we should be kind to others, especially those in need.
Two of my former bosses did not fail to share an important lesson with me. They said in quite similar terms that it is important to give, give and give. Their rationale being that the more you give, the more you will get back.
In the years that have passed, I have had many opportunities to help others. I have found those opportunities highly rewarding as much as the rewards cannot be defined materially. Nonetheless, I can add that these opportunities have taken me to new highs on my personal satisfaction index.
Kindness exists because some are more blessed than others. Kindness exists when we share and be good to others. Go on then, be good!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Handling Queue-Jumpers
DEDICATED TO NG TZE WEI
Last weekend, I attended a community event. At the event, each attendee was entitled to a complimentary serving of food.
Naturally, it being dinner time, there was a long queue for the food. While my friend and I were waiting in line, an ageing buxom lady (who I shall call Mrs Buxom India) and her slimmer friend appeared in front of us and started having a chat.
After a while, my friend and I realised that they were not there to simply chat. They had, in fact, queue-jumped.
I confronted the two ladies. I asked, "Excuse me, are you here to just chat or to collect your meal?"
Mrs Buxom India replied that they were waiting in line to collect their food. As much as I appreciated her shameless honesty, I had to tick her off. I said pointing to the end of the line behind me, "Then, we were here before you and the line actually begins over there."
By that time, Mrs Buxom India's slimmer friend had disappeared to join the end of the queue. Mrs Buxom India insisted, "Well, if you need to go first, you can go before me."
I shot back, "It's not a question of just me going first. It's a question of all those before you going first."
Mrs Buxom India then left the line.
I am reminded of a similar event I went through as a university student. Some years ago, after leaving a disco, I was waiting for a taxi. Someone appeared in front of me and tried to flag a cab. As he was about to get into the taxi, I went up to him and said, "Excuse me, I think your friend over there is looking for you and calling out your name."
As he sought to look for the friend apparently calling him, I got into the cab and told the driver to head to the destination I wanted to.
We should not condone queue-jumping. Of course, if one is elderly, pregnant, handicapped or needy in any other manner, an exception can be made to help them.
We should not hesitate to stand up for what is the right thing to do.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
Last weekend, I attended a community event. At the event, each attendee was entitled to a complimentary serving of food.
Naturally, it being dinner time, there was a long queue for the food. While my friend and I were waiting in line, an ageing buxom lady (who I shall call Mrs Buxom India) and her slimmer friend appeared in front of us and started having a chat.
After a while, my friend and I realised that they were not there to simply chat. They had, in fact, queue-jumped.
I confronted the two ladies. I asked, "Excuse me, are you here to just chat or to collect your meal?"
Mrs Buxom India replied that they were waiting in line to collect their food. As much as I appreciated her shameless honesty, I had to tick her off. I said pointing to the end of the line behind me, "Then, we were here before you and the line actually begins over there."
By that time, Mrs Buxom India's slimmer friend had disappeared to join the end of the queue. Mrs Buxom India insisted, "Well, if you need to go first, you can go before me."
I shot back, "It's not a question of just me going first. It's a question of all those before you going first."
Mrs Buxom India then left the line.
I am reminded of a similar event I went through as a university student. Some years ago, after leaving a disco, I was waiting for a taxi. Someone appeared in front of me and tried to flag a cab. As he was about to get into the taxi, I went up to him and said, "Excuse me, I think your friend over there is looking for you and calling out your name."
As he sought to look for the friend apparently calling him, I got into the cab and told the driver to head to the destination I wanted to.
We should not condone queue-jumping. Of course, if one is elderly, pregnant, handicapped or needy in any other manner, an exception can be made to help them.
We should not hesitate to stand up for what is the right thing to do.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, September 21, 2008
Motivation For Success
DEDICATED TO KANTHARAJ REDDY
A friend today shared with me about how he stretched himself in order to achieve financial independence.
When he first started work, he set himself a goal to purchase a car that could take to and fro work. He saved enough money to buy a car in his first year of work.
Then, he set himself a goal of buying a property. He bought a private apartment with a couple of bedrooms soon after. Recently, he sold the apartment to purchase a bungalow.
He said, every time he decided to use his money in such a manner, he was forced to save money and watch his expenses. By taking on such liabilities, he was also motivated to work harder and stretch himself. This, in turn, enabled him to be more successful.
It reminded me of something else another friend had shared some years ago.
Many parents only have children when they can afford to raise one. This friend has three children. He said, every time his wife gave birth, it would motivate him to find a way to afford that child.
Today, he is studying at a top business school. He also has a successful business. Some years ago, his wife secured a double promotion at work. Having more children motivated them to be more successful.
We have different motivations for success. It is important to find the motivation that will stretch us.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
A friend today shared with me about how he stretched himself in order to achieve financial independence.
When he first started work, he set himself a goal to purchase a car that could take to and fro work. He saved enough money to buy a car in his first year of work.
Then, he set himself a goal of buying a property. He bought a private apartment with a couple of bedrooms soon after. Recently, he sold the apartment to purchase a bungalow.
He said, every time he decided to use his money in such a manner, he was forced to save money and watch his expenses. By taking on such liabilities, he was also motivated to work harder and stretch himself. This, in turn, enabled him to be more successful.
It reminded me of something else another friend had shared some years ago.
Many parents only have children when they can afford to raise one. This friend has three children. He said, every time his wife gave birth, it would motivate him to find a way to afford that child.
Today, he is studying at a top business school. He also has a successful business. Some years ago, his wife secured a double promotion at work. Having more children motivated them to be more successful.
We have different motivations for success. It is important to find the motivation that will stretch us.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
Friday, September 19, 2008
Needy Train Travellers
In public trains operating in cities, one often finds a sign encouraging a person to give up his or her seat to someone else who needs it more.
Those in need include the elderly, very young children and pregnant women. In Thailand, this list of needy people even includes priests!
I realise a lot of times people travelling on the trains end up not looking out for such needy.
One such situation happened this afternoon. I was on they way home after having lunch with a friend.
As I walked into the train, I notice a very frail old man standing in the train. He was so weak he had to hold onto the railings on the train with both hands, and his arms were shivering. Seated opposite where the old man was standing were some young persons. I suspect they didn't notice the old man.
I approached one of the young persons and requested that he give up his seat for the old man. He did so as soon as I brought the old man's predicament to his attention. The old man fell asleep within minutes of sitting down. Aww, bless him.
And bless the young man who gave up his seat too. I realised some time later that the young lad was Muslim. This being the month of Ramadan, he would have been observing his fast at that time. He had had nothing to eat or drink since the break of dawn. Thus, he probably needed to remain seated too.
I regretted, at that time, not approaching someone else. But I laud the young person's will to help someone else more in need, even though he was in need too.
We should be sensitive to the needs of others. We can also help others be sensitive to the needs of others.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
Those in need include the elderly, very young children and pregnant women. In Thailand, this list of needy people even includes priests!
I realise a lot of times people travelling on the trains end up not looking out for such needy.
One such situation happened this afternoon. I was on they way home after having lunch with a friend.
As I walked into the train, I notice a very frail old man standing in the train. He was so weak he had to hold onto the railings on the train with both hands, and his arms were shivering. Seated opposite where the old man was standing were some young persons. I suspect they didn't notice the old man.
I approached one of the young persons and requested that he give up his seat for the old man. He did so as soon as I brought the old man's predicament to his attention. The old man fell asleep within minutes of sitting down. Aww, bless him.
And bless the young man who gave up his seat too. I realised some time later that the young lad was Muslim. This being the month of Ramadan, he would have been observing his fast at that time. He had had nothing to eat or drink since the break of dawn. Thus, he probably needed to remain seated too.
I regretted, at that time, not approaching someone else. But I laud the young person's will to help someone else more in need, even though he was in need too.
We should be sensitive to the needs of others. We can also help others be sensitive to the needs of others.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, September 07, 2008
Donate Refund to Charity
I recently dined at a restaurant and had a less than positive experience.
I sent the relevant restaurant some feedback. The restaurant very kindly offered to waive the cost of lunch and refund me the amount spent.
As I was not comfortable accepting the refund for various reasons, I requested that the refund be donated to charity.
I think it is more important for the service provider to learn from the incident and put in place a system to better manage its customers, which the restaurant has assured that it will do.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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I sent the relevant restaurant some feedback. The restaurant very kindly offered to waive the cost of lunch and refund me the amount spent.
As I was not comfortable accepting the refund for various reasons, I requested that the refund be donated to charity.
I think it is more important for the service provider to learn from the incident and put in place a system to better manage its customers, which the restaurant has assured that it will do.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Journeying with strangers
DEDICATED TO GEORGINA ROBINSON
A new friend recently reminded about an article I had written some time ago. She said it made an impression on her.
The interesting thing is that it's been some time since I wrote that article and it remains very relevant.
I continue to meet interesting people on the train.
For example, early this year, I met a retired engineer on the train. We see each other regularly. I still don't know his name. We have good conversations. He tells me about the places he has travelled to with his family. He tells me about his son who lives and works overseas. And he provides interesting perspectives on issues of the day.
These experiences have made some of my train journeys seem shorter but more meaningful.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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A new friend recently reminded about an article I had written some time ago. She said it made an impression on her.
The interesting thing is that it's been some time since I wrote that article and it remains very relevant.
I continue to meet interesting people on the train.
For example, early this year, I met a retired engineer on the train. We see each other regularly. I still don't know his name. We have good conversations. He tells me about the places he has travelled to with his family. He tells me about his son who lives and works overseas. And he provides interesting perspectives on issues of the day.
These experiences have made some of my train journeys seem shorter but more meaningful.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Friday, February 08, 2008
Forgiving Others
One of the things that gets to me is when a person lies to me. Naturally, I get angrier when the person lies to me again.
When I do get angry, I tend to lose control of my usual happy self.
I say some cruel or hurtful things that may leave the person - who lied to me - as annoyed with me, if not more. I may even call the person names. But I do all these just to vent my frustration, without intending to be malicious.
Very often, two or three days after what happens, I regret my actions and I feel I should have been more forgiving. I then take steps to make amends.
After all, the late Mother Teresa once said, "If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive."
In the past week, I got angry with at least two persons - a friend and a sibling.
My sibling understood my reaction. We have since learnt from the incident, forgiven each other and decided on a way forward, in terms of where our relationship as siblings should go.
I think we were also quick to forgive each other because we have a history of appreciating how we react to such situations.
On the other hand, my friend was not as used to my reaction. My friend now refuses to communicate with me. My friend also said I will not be forgiven for what I said.
Over the last few days, I have been reflecting about this reaction.
Is this my friend's way of getting back at me, that is avenging my cruelty? Can my friend not be as forgiving as me? Is my friend really my friend?
I realised earlier today that my friend may be practising a different kind of forgiveness.
As Dr Frederic Luskin, Senior Fellow at the Stanford Center on Conflict and Negotiation, shares, "Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace... Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power."
Perhaps, I have been forgiven but in a different way; my friend just needs to get away and sort things out at a personal level.
Thus, when we offend people, we should give them the time and space to heal. Some people are more sensitive and take longer to heal.
We should also learn from such events and not offend others again.
The key thing is to be positive in living the present and also in looking forward to the future.
And, Insyallah, my friend will be back one day.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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When I do get angry, I tend to lose control of my usual happy self.
I say some cruel or hurtful things that may leave the person - who lied to me - as annoyed with me, if not more. I may even call the person names. But I do all these just to vent my frustration, without intending to be malicious.
Very often, two or three days after what happens, I regret my actions and I feel I should have been more forgiving. I then take steps to make amends.
After all, the late Mother Teresa once said, "If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive."
In the past week, I got angry with at least two persons - a friend and a sibling.
My sibling understood my reaction. We have since learnt from the incident, forgiven each other and decided on a way forward, in terms of where our relationship as siblings should go.
I think we were also quick to forgive each other because we have a history of appreciating how we react to such situations.
On the other hand, my friend was not as used to my reaction. My friend now refuses to communicate with me. My friend also said I will not be forgiven for what I said.
Over the last few days, I have been reflecting about this reaction.
Is this my friend's way of getting back at me, that is avenging my cruelty? Can my friend not be as forgiving as me? Is my friend really my friend?
I realised earlier today that my friend may be practising a different kind of forgiveness.
As Dr Frederic Luskin, Senior Fellow at the Stanford Center on Conflict and Negotiation, shares, "Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace... Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power."
Perhaps, I have been forgiven but in a different way; my friend just needs to get away and sort things out at a personal level.
Thus, when we offend people, we should give them the time and space to heal. Some people are more sensitive and take longer to heal.
We should also learn from such events and not offend others again.
The key thing is to be positive in living the present and also in looking forward to the future.
And, Insyallah, my friend will be back one day.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
Go For Values
Someone asked me yesterday what attracted me to another:
a. beauty / good looks; or
b. intelligence.
I believe such attraction to another is short-lived and superficial.
What really draws me to another person is his or her values, that is things which are really important to the person and how positive the person is.
Such values define the person at the core and are essentially the lifeblood that enable relationships to survive the test of time.
Unlike physical attractiveness or the ability to synthesise information and articulate ideas - that tend to deteriorate as one gets older - values only evolve with the passing of time.
I think that is how I have consciously or subconsciously chosen others to be my good or special friends or partners.
Go for values!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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a. beauty / good looks; or
b. intelligence.
I believe such attraction to another is short-lived and superficial.
What really draws me to another person is his or her values, that is things which are really important to the person and how positive the person is.
Such values define the person at the core and are essentially the lifeblood that enable relationships to survive the test of time.
Unlike physical attractiveness or the ability to synthesise information and articulate ideas - that tend to deteriorate as one gets older - values only evolve with the passing of time.
I think that is how I have consciously or subconsciously chosen others to be my good or special friends or partners.
Go for values!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
Plans & Surprises
The past week has been full of surprises for me.
It was thus very timely, towards the week’s end, that I watched a film that taught or reminded me of a very powerful lesson – “plan to be surprised”!
We spend a good part of our lives living the plans that we plan for ourselves or others – such as the state or our employers – plan for us.
But, in living these planned lives, we forget that surprises are very much a part of living and, generally, we don’t appear to be ready for them when they come.
Perhaps, it has to do with our inherent resistance to change and the fact that surprises just feed off that insecurity.
Surprises do have the potential to be so much fun!
A friend’s wife has a tradition of throwing surprise parties for his loved ones and him; so much so he now actually “plans to be surprised”.
Think also of the times when a loved one got you a surprise gift or when you achieved something you really did not expect to.
As importantly, we should also plan to surprise.
Over the years – I believe owing partly to my busy work schedule – I have developed a habit of being random with loved ones and surprising them.
Recently, I put together a list of positive things that I used to do and that I really missed.
One of the items on the list was a regular Saturday lunch I used to have with a friend from college. I then decided to surprise her, and start doing so again.
We had a fantastic lunch yesterday. Yes, plan to surprise and be surprised.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
It was thus very timely, towards the week’s end, that I watched a film that taught or reminded me of a very powerful lesson – “plan to be surprised”!
We spend a good part of our lives living the plans that we plan for ourselves or others – such as the state or our employers – plan for us.
But, in living these planned lives, we forget that surprises are very much a part of living and, generally, we don’t appear to be ready for them when they come.
Perhaps, it has to do with our inherent resistance to change and the fact that surprises just feed off that insecurity.
Surprises do have the potential to be so much fun!
A friend’s wife has a tradition of throwing surprise parties for his loved ones and him; so much so he now actually “plans to be surprised”.
Think also of the times when a loved one got you a surprise gift or when you achieved something you really did not expect to.
As importantly, we should also plan to surprise.
Over the years – I believe owing partly to my busy work schedule – I have developed a habit of being random with loved ones and surprising them.
Recently, I put together a list of positive things that I used to do and that I really missed.
One of the items on the list was a regular Saturday lunch I used to have with a friend from college. I then decided to surprise her, and start doing so again.
We had a fantastic lunch yesterday. Yes, plan to surprise and be surprised.
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Letting Go & Bringing Back
DEDICATED TO LI-EN, PUJA V & SEE JONG; THANKS FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO UPDATE MY BLOG MORE REGULARLY!
In the course of our lives, many people come and go.
I have often believed that these people do not come to us by chance; they all come to us for a reason.
We should try to keep them as far as reasonably possible, at least until you know your duty to that person or the reason for that person coming in your life has been fulfilled; one often knows these things intuitively.
I have attempted to keep as many of these persons as possible, because I read once that it is easy to make friends but more important to keep them.
But my ex-boss once told me that it is foolish to think we can keep all our loved ones!
Sometimes, circumstances change, values evolve and new priorities arise such that what you see as important are not longer in synch with what the other person may see as important.
Often, the company or presence of such people leave you feeling negative. In such cases, he told me we need to really evaluate if we can accommodate such persons in our lives.
Where one finds it difficult, it is better to move away until such time you can accomodate that person. But in doing so, it is important to make clear to that person why it is necessary for you to do so.
Some of my friends have had to do this to their respective loved ones in recent times.
Nevertheless, while moving away can be tough, I believe things do get better eventually.
After a few days, months or even years, it may be useful to make contact with that person again to see if you can start from where you left off or a fresh point.
This week, I did this with someone I had lost touch with for some 5 years now.
That person is now a successful teacher in a top school (he corrects me: "the top school"), and the students there regard him greatly.
In fact, I now know that he is so impressive that the minister responsible for education actually sat through one his classes two years ago!
I only found him because, many months ago, I read a blog posting of one of his charges who sung praises of him and even posted a picture of him on the blog! To avoid embarassing him, I shall not be linking to his student's blog.
I called him this morning and we had a brief conversation. It's like time had not passed between us and we were still the army boys we once were (although he sounds a whole lot mellower now).
I look forward to celebrating our tenth year of friendship with him next week!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
In the course of our lives, many people come and go.
I have often believed that these people do not come to us by chance; they all come to us for a reason.
We should try to keep them as far as reasonably possible, at least until you know your duty to that person or the reason for that person coming in your life has been fulfilled; one often knows these things intuitively.
I have attempted to keep as many of these persons as possible, because I read once that it is easy to make friends but more important to keep them.
But my ex-boss once told me that it is foolish to think we can keep all our loved ones!
Sometimes, circumstances change, values evolve and new priorities arise such that what you see as important are not longer in synch with what the other person may see as important.
Often, the company or presence of such people leave you feeling negative. In such cases, he told me we need to really evaluate if we can accommodate such persons in our lives.
Where one finds it difficult, it is better to move away until such time you can accomodate that person. But in doing so, it is important to make clear to that person why it is necessary for you to do so.
Some of my friends have had to do this to their respective loved ones in recent times.
Nevertheless, while moving away can be tough, I believe things do get better eventually.
After a few days, months or even years, it may be useful to make contact with that person again to see if you can start from where you left off or a fresh point.
This week, I did this with someone I had lost touch with for some 5 years now.
That person is now a successful teacher in a top school (he corrects me: "the top school"), and the students there regard him greatly.
In fact, I now know that he is so impressive that the minister responsible for education actually sat through one his classes two years ago!
I only found him because, many months ago, I read a blog posting of one of his charges who sung praises of him and even posted a picture of him on the blog! To avoid embarassing him, I shall not be linking to his student's blog.
I called him this morning and we had a brief conversation. It's like time had not passed between us and we were still the army boys we once were (although he sounds a whole lot mellower now).
I look forward to celebrating our tenth year of friendship with him next week!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Doing The Impossible
Walt Disney once said, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
To those who have been wondering why this blog has been at a standstill for a few weeks now, that's exactly what I have been up to!
I am now back in school (since mid-August). I am pursuing a mandatory postgraduate diploma at a Singapore university. This is a course for legally-trained persons desiring Singapore court access rights.
The experience at the Singapore university is proving to be a uniquely Singapore experience, and I will certainly write more about this in time to come. But just to give an indication of what it's like -- three weeks into term, I had to get ready for an exam! It just ended a couple of days back and holidays are next week, so I can afford to take a breather.
In addition to the opportunites in school, I am working about 2 days a week. And amidst all these, I have had to make time for loved ones. So it is no surprise that I have had to minimise what I can share on this blog.
Nevertheless, the opportunity not to write here has been great, it's given me lots of time to reflect about the future of this blog, even with all these "happenings". Don't worry, I am not about to kill this blog. I still think this is an important space for developing one's thoughts and, it remains at least to me, a positive avenue for learning!
I was told of a trend that people are closing down their blogs but I guess that happens with all new things - once its novelty appears to wane, it is only normal for people to abandon certain preferences for other more exciting stuff.
To me, this only shows how impossible it is becoming to upkeep a blog and, yes, as someone once said, "it's kind of fun to do the impossible"!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
To those who have been wondering why this blog has been at a standstill for a few weeks now, that's exactly what I have been up to!
I am now back in school (since mid-August). I am pursuing a mandatory postgraduate diploma at a Singapore university. This is a course for legally-trained persons desiring Singapore court access rights.
The experience at the Singapore university is proving to be a uniquely Singapore experience, and I will certainly write more about this in time to come. But just to give an indication of what it's like -- three weeks into term, I had to get ready for an exam! It just ended a couple of days back and holidays are next week, so I can afford to take a breather.
In addition to the opportunites in school, I am working about 2 days a week. And amidst all these, I have had to make time for loved ones. So it is no surprise that I have had to minimise what I can share on this blog.
Nevertheless, the opportunity not to write here has been great, it's given me lots of time to reflect about the future of this blog, even with all these "happenings". Don't worry, I am not about to kill this blog. I still think this is an important space for developing one's thoughts and, it remains at least to me, a positive avenue for learning!
I was told of a trend that people are closing down their blogs but I guess that happens with all new things - once its novelty appears to wane, it is only normal for people to abandon certain preferences for other more exciting stuff.
To me, this only shows how impossible it is becoming to upkeep a blog and, yes, as someone once said, "it's kind of fun to do the impossible"!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
Friday, August 03, 2007
How To Sustain Relationships
Some weeks ago, a friend sent me an instant message on the mobile phone. He asked, "How do you sustain a marriage?"
At first, I was taken aback by this question. What would I, an unmarried wildly single individual, know about sustaining a marriage?
But, since I am not the type to turn down the challenge of addressing difficult issues, I decided to help him find an answer.
As I prepare to mark three decades of my life tomorrow, I realise that I have had many relationships with different people - as a son to my parents; as a sibling to my brothers and sisters; as a colleague at the workplace; as a mate to those who went to school with me or those that I met randomly; and, in the past, as a partner to another, albeit unmarried.
With these different relationships have come unique lessons about how to sustain each of them.
I have realised that three things, which I personally call the HAT principles, apply to all these relationships:
a. Have a strong reason to sustain that relationship.
b. Act on goals to strengthen that relationship.
c. Trust those in the relationship to do the right thing.
I think these HAT principles would equally apply to sustaining a marriage. I will deal with each of these in turn.
STRONG REASON
It is important to have a strong reason to sustain the relationship. In doing so, one has to take personal responsibility for finding those reasons and to use those reasons as a call to arms!
We see this a lot of time when one is courting another. Very often, the courtship develops into something more because the person has strong reasons to take it forward.
More than a decade ago, I received a calendar from a life insurance company which had the following quote on one of its pages, "It is easy to make friends but difficult to keep them."
Since then, I have taken a lot of responsibility in keeping the friends that I make and I want to stay in touch with.
EXECUTE GOALS AND PLANS
A year back, I found the strong relationships I had with my university mates strained; these were relationships that are precious to me and I did not wish to lose.
I decided to organise regular lunches to enable me to meet them once a month. I do the same with several other friends at my Third Thursday Thinking Talkies.
My ex-boss has a habit of setting annual relationship goals with his wife. As part of these goals, they would plan very early in the year and set aside at least two weeks of their annual schedule to go on two or more holidays at places they mutually chose.
TRUST THOSE YOU LOVE
Some months ago, I made this point about trusting those you love, which I find increasingly tested among my friends.
Trust those you love to do the right thing. Questioning the motives or agendas of those who you love is not the way to run a relationship because it will only bring more negativity into the relationship.
You must accept that your loved one will from time to time make wrong decisions in life and these are learning milestones for those that make such decisions.
You must also accept that there are certain matters among those you love that you cannot change.
If one cannot accept these things, it is reasonable to just end the relationship.
It is important to bring positive energies into a relationship and focus on the things that one can change.
CONCLUSION
If you wish to sustain your relationship, use the HAT!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
At first, I was taken aback by this question. What would I, an unmarried wildly single individual, know about sustaining a marriage?
But, since I am not the type to turn down the challenge of addressing difficult issues, I decided to help him find an answer.
As I prepare to mark three decades of my life tomorrow, I realise that I have had many relationships with different people - as a son to my parents; as a sibling to my brothers and sisters; as a colleague at the workplace; as a mate to those who went to school with me or those that I met randomly; and, in the past, as a partner to another, albeit unmarried.
With these different relationships have come unique lessons about how to sustain each of them.
I have realised that three things, which I personally call the HAT principles, apply to all these relationships:
a. Have a strong reason to sustain that relationship.
b. Act on goals to strengthen that relationship.
c. Trust those in the relationship to do the right thing.
I think these HAT principles would equally apply to sustaining a marriage. I will deal with each of these in turn.
STRONG REASON
It is important to have a strong reason to sustain the relationship. In doing so, one has to take personal responsibility for finding those reasons and to use those reasons as a call to arms!
We see this a lot of time when one is courting another. Very often, the courtship develops into something more because the person has strong reasons to take it forward.
More than a decade ago, I received a calendar from a life insurance company which had the following quote on one of its pages, "It is easy to make friends but difficult to keep them."
Since then, I have taken a lot of responsibility in keeping the friends that I make and I want to stay in touch with.
EXECUTE GOALS AND PLANS
A year back, I found the strong relationships I had with my university mates strained; these were relationships that are precious to me and I did not wish to lose.
I decided to organise regular lunches to enable me to meet them once a month. I do the same with several other friends at my Third Thursday Thinking Talkies.
My ex-boss has a habit of setting annual relationship goals with his wife. As part of these goals, they would plan very early in the year and set aside at least two weeks of their annual schedule to go on two or more holidays at places they mutually chose.
TRUST THOSE YOU LOVE
Some months ago, I made this point about trusting those you love, which I find increasingly tested among my friends.
Trust those you love to do the right thing. Questioning the motives or agendas of those who you love is not the way to run a relationship because it will only bring more negativity into the relationship.
You must accept that your loved one will from time to time make wrong decisions in life and these are learning milestones for those that make such decisions.
You must also accept that there are certain matters among those you love that you cannot change.
If one cannot accept these things, it is reasonable to just end the relationship.
It is important to bring positive energies into a relationship and focus on the things that one can change.
CONCLUSION
If you wish to sustain your relationship, use the HAT!
Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this?
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