Confront Your Assumptions

ARTICLE PUBLISHED IN TODAY (SINGAPORE) ON 6 JUNE 2006

Undergraduate Surekha Yadav recently shared how many around her just watched as a foreign labourer was assaulted ("A bashing and a S'porean's shame", June 2).

Readers have written in and many focused on what onlookers should have done. But few discussed what could prompt a person to act so aggressively against another. In my view, the cause lies in a person's failure to take responsibility for confronting his or her stereotypes of others.

Many around the world see immigrants and foreign labour as taking jobs away from citizens, and bringing with it social menaces to burden a country's criminal justice system.

Yet, official statistics in most parts of the world indicate that there is little or no basis for such belief. In fact, it is possible to argue that immigrants and the use of foreign labour has helped countries.

Take Singapore for example. Without an immigrant population, she may have simply remained a fishing village.

Incidents against people one has pre-conceived notions about are not isolated. In some parts of the world, heterosexual men wait outside watering holes for homosexual men to assault the latter as they leave. The former labour under the illusion that it is the wish of every homosexual man to get every heterosexual male to bat for the same side.

Some employers are unwilling to employ HIV-positive persons for fear that talent will be driven away and the disease could spread in the office. They are unconvinced by medical evidence that the virus spreads through an exchange of bodily fluids.

We are unwilling to be seen in the company of women from China, Vietnam, Philippines, Indonesia or Thailand, or even transgenders, since others might see us as their "customers". So we avoid places like Orchard Towers.

If such assumptions are not confronted, there is a risk these generalisations will root themselves in our psyche and escalate to aggressive or insensitive acts.

I used to think I would never be able to survive in a local company as some of my views diverge from the established thinking of the day.

I also believed that the leaders of such companies have a penchant for toeing the line.

I confronted my assumption — and have had three enjoyable years working for a local cooperative where critical thinking and robust debates about the established line are encouraged.

I am comfortable with both my homosexual and heterosexual friends. A night out in Orchard Towers is as decent as a night out at the Ministry of Sound.

Every time I have had to confront my assumptions about others, I usually found myself to be mistaken. Instead of throwing stones, I have found it better to engage with these people.

Our judiciary has shown a desire to help people confront their preconceptions with the setting up of a community court. Judge Bala Reddy directed a young person who had made negative remarks about an ethnic group to work within that group.

Other organisations here can follow the judiciary's example.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has consistently emphasised the need to build an inclusive and gracious Singapore. He reiterated this at the end of a divisive electoral battle and at his Cabinet's swearing-in ceremony.

An inclusive and gracious Singapore cannot happen if we — as individuals — are not willing to take responsibility in confronting our assumptions.

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav

P.S: Lest you assume, I am not related to Surekha Yadav.

Think Happiness Inspiration

Last month, Alex Au of Yawning Bread, suggested that I set up my own blog to discuss my views and perspectives on issues of the day.

He felt I had a lot to say about equally many things and it was just impossible to put all these on New Sintercom, without compromising its independence.

Over the last few weeks, I have given this idea some thought. Initially, I was concerned if I would have the time or the resources to achieve this.

I have also thought about why I want to do this. My view is that if one wants to do something and one can find a strong reason to do so, one is likely to do it. I have now persuaded myself that I can and need to do this.

Think Happiness is thus an attempt to record some of my musings on current issues that concern me. The musings are in no way my final word on such issues. Over time, these views - like most perspectives - will meander and evolve.

Perhaps one day, these musings, through its meanders, will become my own personal mantras.

Thank you Alex Au for this inspiration!

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav

A Day At Work

We need to find jobs which we love and where love is shared. My typical day at work is something like this.

It's a 5-day week for all of us. I start work at 9.30am and I work at least 1 day a month from home. This flexible arrangement means I have more time for my family and friends.

When you get to office, you sense you are part of a very big family. We support each other as friends, rather than bosses and underlings. While we may not always agree, we look out for one another and we encourage positive messages and responsibility. In our efforts to be better people, we are conscious about not leaving anyone behind. We share our rewards as a team.

We have a strong corporate social responsibility culture. You are exposed to some of the country's best sporting, artistic and cultural talents. You get to meet some of the country's most vulnerable communities. There are opportunities for you to be a voice in the industry and in the community. We create work for the elderly, for the less abled and for those who really need work.

Above all, at the end of the day, we know how to pull up our sleeves and have fun! Our colleagues always have something on.

Finally, when you reach home, you reflect about what you have done the past days, the past weeks, the past months or the past years. All these positive images come before you and you believe passionately that the work you do makes a real difference!

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav

Tell A Story

I was recently invited to speak about a very dry topic. And because it was a dry topic, I had to find ways to make the topic interesting for my audience. This was also made difficult by the fact that the audience was going to be a young and restless one.

In order to get a point across, we often do many things. We state the facts. We provide statistics, tables and other forms of relevant research to pepper up the facts. We even quote what others have said.

Unless it is a very compelling fact or quote, the point we attempt to get across often ends up being lost. A more effective way is to tell a story, which incorporates the point being made and the facts. It also helps if the story is personalised.

This was what I did with my young and restless audience. I got full marks from them and returned from a highly interactive session.

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav

Growing Up Again

We spend a good part of our lives growing up. And before we know it, in the eyes of the world, we are "grown up" and it's time for us to help others do the same. It can be refreshing to go back and spend some time with those who grew up with us.

I did just that today. I met two groups of friends who grew up with me. And with both groups, much good news was shared and celebrated.

One friend brought his new partner. Another spoke about how he was soon to wed. And another told us about how he was on his journey to become a father and take responsibility for a life. And a fourth shared about his most recent achievement. The happiness was contagious!

It was as if one had found a cherished moment, lost in the subconscious.

When was the last time you met friends who grew up with you?

When was the last time such a friend shared good news with you?

When was the last time you shared good news with this friend?

There is much value in finding forgotten friendships. And if you haven't done this in a while, there could be no better time than now.

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav

Journey More Valuable Than Reward

Someone I know recently made his child sign an agreement. The agreement puts in place a structure to reward the child with more money, as the child moves from success to success.

I wonder what values the parent will impart to the child. The child may grow up to have sound financial management skills and will perhaps make a good negotiator for a pay increase!

On the other hand, the child may grow up to cherish the reward more than the journey to success.

In school, I received less than most of my peers. My parents made me realise very early I was unlike other children, and my life would not be like "the others".

My parents thought me to:
a. value learning experiences more than material things; and
b. seek happiness, share happiness and celebrate happiness; and
c. be independent.

When I achieved, my folks did not buy me presents. Instead, they provided me opportunities to spend time with loved ones. My parents knew the journey is more valuable than the reward.

It is important to be aware of the values one wishes to impart to another.

Happiness,
Dharmendra Yadav